Managing Challenging Behavior
(aggression, tantrums, inattention/hyperactivity)
Gentle, cooperative social behavior can require a big effort from a pre-school aged child. Socializing is a skill children have to learn, and some find it easier than others. Most difficulties in relationships for children ages 3-5 stem from stress and/or a lack of social skills. Testing limits is developmentally healthy because it's children's way of discovering what is acceptable behavior; but aggression, tantrums and inattention/hyperactivity are usually cries for help.
Ways to Help Children:<
It's important to understand the reason for a child's aggressive behavior. Many children act out the stress they may be feeling at home or at school. Parents and teachers need to look at the child's environment to determine stress factors.
Aggressive Behavior
Children who use hitting, kicking or pushing as a means to express their anger and frustration need to learn to use words to express themselves, which requires adults to really listen to them. Children who say things like, "I hate you" are usually very frightened by their own anger because they don't feel in control. Help them understand what they are angry about, and that it is ok.
When a child hits you or someone else, take their hands and tell them "no hitting," and that you understand that they are angry, but we don't hit people ever. Make it clear it's ok to feel angry, but not to hit.
Stay calm. Getting angry back only adds to the child's fear.
Increase your child's empathy. Explain that every child wants to be first and to win so they see that other children have similar feelings.
Avoid power struggles- (punishment deepens child's feelings of discouragement). Offer choices and problem-solve with child to find solutions
Tantrums
Don't reward or punish tantrums. Tantrums stem from frustration so try to make tasks easier for your child to accept. Teach your child that tantrums will not change your mind. If the child senses that tantrums effect you in any way, the child will learn to use them.
Let your child know what you expect ahead of time. Have clear, simple rules.
Encourage your child to learn and do new things.
Don't do for your children what they can do for themselves so that they can develop a sense of competence and positive self image.
Show child how to behave. If we want our children to listen, we need to listen to them. Model listening, communicating with words and staying calm.
Inattention/Hyperactivity
(Make sure your child has been tested for accurate hearing, language comprehension and any learning disabilities)
Re-direct child's attention
Follow a predictable structure/routine
Involve children in meaningful ways
Use external rewards to encourage internal rewards. i.e. Offer stickers for desirable behavior until child is motivated by own feelings of pride